When the student is ready
I regularly ask for help from people who are smarter and wiser than me. I look for teachers. I have been in counseling frequently. I ask friends about their counselors. No, not all my friends are in counseling, Dear Reader.
A friend recommended a counselor who is black and in her late 40s and used a therapy dog. A Yorkshire Terrier. My friend said Attalie was amazing and really helped her. While my friend is a white baby boomer like me, I was skeptical, Dear Reader. I thought a younger black woman could not understand or relate to me, any more than I could comprehend a life lived in her skin. While I love dogs, I thought using a dog in counseling was a bit gimmicky. Especially a toy dog.
Instead, I consulted with a different therapist found during a google search, a white woman baby boomer. Our counseling relationship was brief. One session. We did not like each other. It happens.
So I decided I had nothing to lose and made the appointment with Attalie. She was beautiful. She did not have an ounce of fat on her lithe, sculptured body. She wore yoga clothes to our sessions because she was a lifelong yogi and instructor. Her approach was practical and unpretentious. She was strong. She knew her stuff. I really liked her dog and she liked me. We always greeted each other with great affection.
Attalie and I immediately hit it off. Race and age melted away and became invisible. She was talented and highly perceptive. And very patient. Sometimes I exploded in our anger during counseling. One time I walked out. The truth can be very painful, Dear Reader. What’s even more painful is apologizing and asking for permission to come back.
Attalie was the first counselor to discuss “values” with me. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. She gave me a sheet of paper listing a over a hundred words – values. She asked me if I wanted to add any to the list. I added “sobriety”. To me, it is synonymous with sanity, also not on her list. Working through quite a few sessions, I narrowed the list to six values. Purpose Balance Kindness Gratitude Hope Sobriety. Of course there are more values nested under each one of the six.
She explained that a person reacts in anger when their values are violated. But most people don’t understand their own values or the violation, so they strike out. She urged me to stay above the line which meant not reacting with anger. She explained that getting angry at people or situations and talking about them doesn’t change them and only hurts me. Getting angry at someone is liking drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. She didn’t fix me. I’m not cured. I am committed to becoming a better human.
